My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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