That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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