I just cut my nipple shaving
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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