I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
