We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
