I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
