I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
