guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
