i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
