I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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