There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
