i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
