I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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