kristin has been a bad kristin
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
