Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
