i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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