i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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