plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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