Can i not drive my cunt home
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
