I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
