Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
