haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
