Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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