I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
