And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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