i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
