Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
