she woke up with a sticky ear
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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