He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
