Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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