Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
