So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I could fuck to npr.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
