College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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