Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
