$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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