she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
