Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
