morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
