and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
