I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
