No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
