When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
