Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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