i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
