Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
