I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
