At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
