I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ok first of all what the fuck
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
