Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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