I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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