Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
