We won't sleep together?
Don't make out with my wife yet
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
